


You are at war, even in your dreams.

by CzarnaHerbata



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canada, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Depression, Disabled Character, F/M, My First Fanfic, Panic Attacks, Post Civil War, Psychology, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Wakanda, in some part ignoring post-credit scene, mentioned tortures, romance maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7618192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CzarnaHerbata/pseuds/CzarnaHerbata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers, after fight with Tony in Syberia, run away with need of rebuilding Bucky's prosthetic and getting out Capitan's team out of prision. Saddly, becouse of jet breakdown, they crushed in small town, Canada. They hide jet in old barn, so ONZ satelites don't catch them. They sleep there, dress wounds, just to wake up with sound of reloaded airgun and barrel aim at James. Weapon is holding by woman with harsh look, who is ready to kick their asses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first fic, so please, be kind :)  
> Huge thanks to loscap (I dunno, how to link, so: http://lostcap.tumblr.com/), 'couse all of poems at the beginings of chapters are from lostcap and even title :) And yes, Phi let me use them. I'm so happy :)  
> Also, this is AU where lostcap published book :)  
> Also, this is translation from Polish, but fic is mine, so I didn't choos translate option.
> 
> Beta is best person in the world, [Here_To_Be](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Here_To_Be/pseuds/Here_To_Be). You need check out her fic!

   


For all the universes there are,  
this one was not enough,  
not for now, not for us.

Somewhere in another, though.  
We are softer, we are kinder.  
To our skin, to each other.

[\- IN THAT THERE THAT ISN’T HERE, I ALLOW MYSELF TO LOVE YOU](http://lostcap.tumblr.com/post/137251419173/for-all-the-universes-there-are-this-one-was-not)

 

_1998_  
_Canada, Wildwood_

  
The girls shouting was piercing the air, the fabric that was wrapped her arm was all red with blood, which also was starting to dirty upholstery. Merlot speed up the car and looked continuously in the mirror at seven year old girl, cursing living in the country and his car. Elyse was rubbing blood off from her daughter’s temple, blood that made her hair an ugly, dirty brown color.  Mud and straw was clumping together the mass of hair.  
  


The breaks squealed as they park the car in front of the hospital. Merlot took his daughter with all delicacy he could in the rush of things and ran with her through the doors, his wife beside him the whole time. Tears were falling down on her cheeks, face swollen from crying. She almost get into surgery room, where they immediately get little Deborah.  
  


Barely two paramedics stopped her. At the same time doctor was doing examination to her husband.  
“We have a farm, we breed bulls. She already knows how to ride a horse, she help us out. But one of the bulls got mad, scared horses, and then she fell. They almost trample her....” The weary man covered his face with hands, his body covered in bruises. He also got harmed while saving his daughter, taking her out from under the stamping hooves. He appeared calmer on the outside, inside there was storm of feelings and guilt.  
  


He was also taken away to make sure everything was in order with his health.  
  


Elyse was the first to be informed about the condition of her daughter.  
  


She was going to live, but has two broken ribs and a concussion. Almost whole her body was bruised, but worst was left hand, broken into fifty pieces.

***

_2014_  
_Washington DC, USA_

  
Capitan America plunges his shield into the metal arm of his enemy, the twang of Vibranium hitting Vibranium echoing in the air. The scuffle between the two fighters lasts a few drawn out moments before Steve catches the man’s mask, pulling his head back. He wished to see to face of assassin who killed Fury. The Winter Soldier bounced from road, freeing himself from grasp of his target. The soldier turns, somersaulting in the air, protecting his head. He was made perfect, every inch of his body the perfect soldier.  


The black mask hits the ground.  


Silence falls upon the enemies, interrupted only by heavy breathing, which stopped when Rogers saw face of the killer. A face he knew since childhood, connected with many memories. Hot dogs on which they spend the last of the money, ride on car’s trailer, double dates that never seemed to work, the smell of Brooklyn from ‘40s. Freeing him from Red Skull’s hands, the train, the precipice that should have killed him. He was supposed to be dead. Thousands of thoughts were racing through his mind in just that one second. Why was he here with him? Where is being with him til the end of the line, like he promised after Sara’s funeral? What happed to him? More questions than answers. He had no clue, no single facet of information yet. Even the secret intelligence agencies had no data about Winter Soldier. He was a ghost story, you can’t catch him. Assasin never left single mark, no one believes he existed.  
  


“Bucky?” Steve asked with his voice full of hope. He must remember.  
  


“Who the hell is Bucky?” A familiar voice, the voice of a childhood friend, reminders of the early 40s, the time of war and innocence before war, it all hits Rogers. But the answer he got was not what he was expecting.


	2. One - Private propety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we are finally in 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta is best person in the world, [Here_To_Be](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Here_To_Be/pseuds/Here_To_Be). You need check out her fic!  
> As always header words are from lostcap.tumblr.com :)

"I. You can’t give your storms to someone else. The thunder won’t pass on but it will pass. Nothing lasts forever, not even the rain. Not even forever.

II. To be is terrifying and it’s okay to fear. To be afraid. I don’t think anyone ever told you that."

[\- P.D.](http://lostcap.tumblr.com/post/132684868603/i-you-cant-give-your-storms-to-someone-else-the)

 

_2016_

_Canada_

In the rush he turns off and on the many buttons, checking pressure and altitude of the flight and level of fuel. They have some problems with engine. The jet is falling down faster and faster, not able to stabilize itself, despite all of the pilots’ effort. If not for the seatbelts, Steve would have long ago fallen from pilot’s armchair.

“Are we gonna crash?” He hears a voice say, in which there is no fear. It’s just an empty question from person who trusts him deeply, the voice of a friend. He’s not used to it. He forgave himself for Bucky’s death long ago, seventy years ago. So much had happened since then. First the train, then bomb, Steve himself slept all this time, frozen under the ice. Then came the Avenges case, New York and Loki.

But Bucky is behind him, unsuccessfully trying to sit down. Without the other arm, and with all turbulences it isn’t so easy. Quite a few times the jet has thrown him from side to side. Happily, he finally takes a seat. Steve is looking shorlty time to time on rest of prosthetic, frend’s face with face hair, still trying to take a wheel under jet. Suddenly the front windshield broke in half like it was cut by invisible lightening. It makes a mosaic from glass, ready to shatter at any time right on them.

“I hope not.” All controls blink like crazy, hazard lights turning everything red, sinking the two men in darkness. Steve clenched his jaw, Bucky tighten his fingers on the seat. They can feel the landing throughout their entire body, definitely not a soft landing. They watched as they crumple the wheat, lit up by jet’s lights. At least they stop in the middle of nothing, surround by fields of wheat. The capitan right now thought that part of Sokovia Accords was right. They just destroyed part of crop and no one will pay for it, at least not in the near future, because him and mostly Bucky, are most wanted criminals in the world.

Bucky turns on the outside lights and gets out of the jet, wanting to look around. In his rush, he tries to open the door with his metal arm, the one he no longer had. He clenches his jaw and hits the wall out of anger. Barnes take a deep breath, air is so different from gasoline smell of city or wet Hydra’s places where they kept him. In front of him is only field, full of crops. Far away looms some farm’s light. Piercing, refreshing air was filling his lungs painfully. He feels unsure, like all the people on the earth know that he is standing right here. Like eyes of the stars in such an incredible clear and dark sky are going to shoot him for his faults. Barnes comes back to destroyed jet, like he is counting, that this can hide him from their stare.

“Buck?”

“Hm?”

“I still didn’t tell you why I haven’t changed since ‘40s.” James freezes, turning half the way, looking at some house two or so miles away. He looks like he’s processing that information, knowing that more time passed that he thought.

Dark haired man doesn’t move for a while, but Rogers knows him too well. Too well not to notice the sudden tension in man’s body and little freckle between Bucky’s brows, almost invisible, suggesting that his friend think deeply about some issue.

“How the hell you didn’t grow old since ‘40s, you pug?”

*** 

“Debbie?”

“What?” The muffled answer come from upstairs, the sound of something falling quickly followed by colorful language, all voiced by a woman. Merlot rolls his eyes, but says nothing about his daughter’s language. His own is nothing better. This was his fault.

“Did you hear this noise outside?”

Deborah quickly ran down from attic that was adapted as little workshop and her bedroom. She looked at father, putting a hair tie around her reddish hair, someone had once called it strawberry blonde. She had no idea who came up with that silly idea, but at least she didn’t have to struggle when she was putting a description on Tinder.

“Nope, why?”

“Something crashed out in the field. Look, maybe some assholes destroyed fence.”

The woman sighs, slipping into a coat with sleeves too long for her arms and puts on rubber boots. She thinks that maybe neighbor is scaring wild boars, but for sure she is going to check it out. It won’t be not so funny when, come morning, they find out that their cows are destroying half of crops around because she was too lazy. She gets out of the little cottage and take steps towards the cowshed that is almost three times bigger than her home, moving away the heavy metal gate and closing it carefully. She puts gloves on and takes a pitchfork, passing empty posts that can handle something around two hundred cows. Deborah wrinkle her nose at the smell of manure. She passes another open doors and come to pasture, turning on a flashlight.

“Move, doll” She snarls to one of the cows, wanting to get to fence.

She checks it, patting and tapping the cows with her hand or by handle of pitchfork so that they don’t bother her. Since her accident, they kept only three bulls in another place, changing their farm from meat to milk. She doesn’t go close to those beast, she’s too afraid of them and the memory of the accident still comes to her in her dreams. Debbie doesn’t have a problem with milk cows, heifers with big, cute eyes and she can ride horses, but bulls? She never gets close to them anymore. She holds the flashlight higher to light more space and sees the fence close to where the bulls are, the place that always makes her shiver. Deborah maneuvers between sleeping cows, petting them carefully, talking to them soothingly. Cows are not as stupid as someone may think.

She exhales in relief. Everything’s alright, so she turns off the lights, not wanting to wake up or frighten the cows; the milk would be awful. Suddenly she sees some lights far away, near her old barn. After remembering that there are lot of wild animals that are destroying crops, she turns light up higher. She climbs on the fence and gives three short signal boosts and one long, just like her father and other farmers established to know that there are only them. But there was no response. She shrugs her shoulders, thinking that they just didn’t notice her.

As she goes back home she is sings off handedly some song that from lyrics sounds like Honey, Honey by Abba, but the melody doesn’t match so well. She leaves all things, including the boots, outside the front doors and comes inside.

“Everything is fine, just someone looking around barn. I’ll check tomorrow.”

“Okay. Cook me an egg.”

“Do it yourself.” She answers her father, taking out coat, not giving a single fuck about his request. She decides to continuing work on electronic part of lathe, that will part a circle that much, how many numbers she will choose. Now she needs to solder some parts, program them. Just for fun. She loves it. She sits on armchair without armrest that she cut off herself and goes back to work, sticking out her tongue to focus on little elements; when completed it should be the size of a cellphone. If need be, size of half a brick.

 


End file.
